The Long Haunt
It has been quite a while my friend. I have been afraid to talk to you. You to whom I do not lie.
My pen has been quiet, it has been tempted to speak in the drama that so pervades this world.
My pen hesitates, I am afraid that it too might have been tainted. So I have been waiting my friend.
Waiting for the right time- though it has been quite a long time, it is worth it if the words are honest and true.
I want to be honest about how far I've fallen and true about my broken heart.
Oh how long will I remain a phantom, not really belonging to one realty or another?
We haven't spoken for so long and yet our conversation sounds the same.
Yes, I know, it's my fault. Always my fault- because I always know better. Always.
I am wise with all the answers. Wise with what is good. And yet I choose not to. Do I choose the darkness
just to know that I am alive? That I exist? That I am not a puppet in some cosmic script?
I wish you were flesh and blood my friend. It would have been nice to share the path with a pure and steady soul. But it is better this way. This friendship works because only one of us can be tainted by the world.
....
"For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business." - T.S. Eliot
SHADES OF THOUGHT
There has always been something in silence that seduced me. The quiet things somehow seem more moving, more potent. So much stays in the realm of the unsaid, and after everything else, still so much would remain when we could say all that we can.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
686
Been wanting to write but whenever I come to my account, I suddenly feel depressed with all the unpublished and unfinished entries I've written over the years. And it also tires me to think that I have to double check everything before publishing just so that I wouldn't be repeating entries- something I'm too lazy to do right now so I guess cleaning out the "draft" box would have to wait.
I'm still working on the Bonifacio Graphic Novel. I don't know if I'll be done with it this year as I would have hoped but I'll try my best to have some kind of tangible output before the year is over. In many ways, it's almost as if I have no choice in the matter. By that I mean this thing I have with this story is an affliction. I'll elaborate on that on another day perhaps.
This is probably the year that I would earn the least amount of cash and have the least amount of days spent in Cebu (my birthplace). It's weird but I always had this strange feeling that I "regenerate" whenever I go back home. Manila life is quite different as to how I grew up and it takes a lot out of you. It's not like I don't miss family, It's just that the things you miss can't be restored and it's harder when you are around the things you miss when they aren't the things you miss anymore -if that makes any sense. I guess it's also cos I'm a bit different now. My beliefs and vocation are quite difficult to blend with the circumstances that are there right now. Things have certainly changed for that little kid who rode his bike on weekends dreaming of soccer-filled weekdays, looking for adventures that dealt with supervillains. Compared to dealing with the intangible tangled dilemmas of adulthood, supervillains would have been a walk in the park.
I've been thinking of letting go of a few things. Life is weird like that. It's not like you have much to begin with, but to change you have to give up things, hopefully to make room for better things...or most probably just end up just making more room for even worse things.
Thank God for God.
....
"The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship." -Francis Bacon
Been wanting to write but whenever I come to my account, I suddenly feel depressed with all the unpublished and unfinished entries I've written over the years. And it also tires me to think that I have to double check everything before publishing just so that I wouldn't be repeating entries- something I'm too lazy to do right now so I guess cleaning out the "draft" box would have to wait.
I'm still working on the Bonifacio Graphic Novel. I don't know if I'll be done with it this year as I would have hoped but I'll try my best to have some kind of tangible output before the year is over. In many ways, it's almost as if I have no choice in the matter. By that I mean this thing I have with this story is an affliction. I'll elaborate on that on another day perhaps.
This is probably the year that I would earn the least amount of cash and have the least amount of days spent in Cebu (my birthplace). It's weird but I always had this strange feeling that I "regenerate" whenever I go back home. Manila life is quite different as to how I grew up and it takes a lot out of you. It's not like I don't miss family, It's just that the things you miss can't be restored and it's harder when you are around the things you miss when they aren't the things you miss anymore -if that makes any sense. I guess it's also cos I'm a bit different now. My beliefs and vocation are quite difficult to blend with the circumstances that are there right now. Things have certainly changed for that little kid who rode his bike on weekends dreaming of soccer-filled weekdays, looking for adventures that dealt with supervillains. Compared to dealing with the intangible tangled dilemmas of adulthood, supervillains would have been a walk in the park.
I've been thinking of letting go of a few things. Life is weird like that. It's not like you have much to begin with, but to change you have to give up things, hopefully to make room for better things...or most probably just end up just making more room for even worse things.
Thank God for God.
....
"The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship." -Francis Bacon